Dear Gay Best Friend,
Almost two years ago I met this guy while I was waiting on line at the store. We’d never spoken before, but I knew of him in high school and he had a history of bouncing from girl to girl.
He’s very good-looking, charming, ambitious, and somehow he finds a way to make extreme confidence look sexy (as Remy Ma would say, “He got a reason”). When he approached me I knew what to expect from a guy like him. I figured he had way too many options to feel the need to be a ONE woman kind of man, and we’re youngin’s in our 20’s, so I didn’t expect a wedding ring. After a six month relationship I was in prior to, I just wanted to have some fun. No-strings attached, exactly what his type wants surprise, surprise.
Four months into our “relationship,” he decides that HE wants a commitment, and I’m reluctant at first, but gradually I warm up to the idea—It’s not as if I was sleeping with anyone else, he just didn’t know that— and our relationship turns serious.
—-> Enter stage left: HIS CRAZY ASS EX!! And by ex I mean ex-plaything. They were never in a committed relationship and she couldn’t care less about me until she realized me and homeboy was getting serious. She schemed and manipulated and stirred the pot in every way she could, and he ended up cheating on me with her one night after we got into a huge fight about me, “not caring” (I can’t win with this one. If I ask 21 questions and attack every floosy on his Facebook flirting then I’m an angry-nagging black woman, but if I don’t get jealous and I trust the guy completely then it means I don’t give a -ish. WTF?!)
I didn’t find out about it until months later, but when I did I heard it from his best friend’s ex-girlfriend. She told me this right before letting me in on the fact that my now ex-boyfriend’s best friend– the one who always went out of his way to tease and clown me, had feelings for me, to the extent that she ended their relationship. The whole night was a soap opera in the making.
Now I’m sure you know exactly where this is going. I was upset and hurt when I found out, and on the night in question, more than a little drunk after the news. After I broke up with him and stormed out of the party, his best friend took me home . Tears led to hugging, that led to kissing, and we didn’t actually sleep together — I stopped it before it got that far–but he’s his BEST FRIEND of over 10 years, since childhood, so in a way I might as well have.
My ex has been begging me for another chance, and I love him. I really do. I understand that people mistakes — me with his BFF case & point—and, I’m willing to forgive him and work towards trusting him again, but I’m pretty sure he wont forgive me, or his best friend, for what almost happened. Even though we weren’t together at the time, I don’t think it matters.
I’ve accepted the double standard for myself, but I don’t want to be “the bitch” that ruined their friendship forever. But, I also don’t want to spend the next few years in the same room as them two without addressing it. They both have feelings for me and even if I did have a moment with his best friend –if I’m being completely honest, we have developed a close friendship over the past two years— My EX is the one I want to be with. Should I keep my mouth shut and hope his friend never says a word or confess? Is admitting a kiss really worth ruining two relationships permanently? Do you think my ex could get past it with either of us? – Ms. Damned If I Do Or Don’t
Dear Ms. Damned If I Do Or Don’t,
Chile, this is why I stay away from folks like you, and your “peoples.” All this drama and madness because y’all don’t know how to control your lustful and carnal nature. You are damn wrong. Your ex is damn wrong. And, the best friend is damn wrong. I see that ignorance is at an all time high.
If you knew the man had a history and past of being a player, a smooth talker, a charmer, and a history of bouncing from girl to girl, then what made you think that he would be oh so faithful and committed to you? Dumbass! I swear. You folks will rush to be in relationships with folks just so you can have a notch in your bedpost and to brag that you were letting them run up in you, but somehow and someway you were the one to tame them and make them commit to you. Really? Really! Miss Thang you are a damn trip in a half.