“We’re Engaged, But I’m Not Sure I Want To Get Married Because He’s Too Controlling”

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black couple arguingDear Gay Best Friend,

I am engaged to a man that loves me to death. But here’s the thing: We have been dating going on two years and engaged for almost a year. I met him through a mutual friend and we hit it off. He is a single dad of one and I am a single mother of three.

He is very controlling and doesn’t want me to hang out with my best friend. He says I’m his best friend and that we should hang out together. We hang out and we have fun when we do, however, I need that girl time. His job has him working odd hours so it is somewhat hard for us to hang out very much. I am off on weekends, however, he works late on weekends.

I just feel when we get married the controlling will get worse because I will be his wife. He loves me and my children as well as I love his child. Do you think I am making a mistake for wanting to marry someone so controlling? Also when he drinks he gets drunk and starts to talk -ish about different things, such as how he feels about my children’s father and my friends, etc… To me this is how he really feels but won’t say these things unless he has been drinking.  Please help. – Not Sure I Want To Get Married

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Dear Ms. Not Sure I Want To Get Married,

Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Don’t do it!

If your gut and instincts are telling you not to do it, then, Ms. Honey, follow your gut and instincts. They will not, and are not leading you wrong. Trust them. These early indicators of his controlling behavior is a prelude of what your life and marriage will be like, and I’m certain it will only get worse before it gets better. If he’s trying to control who you hang out with now, then, he will definitely control who you hang out with when you get married. And, these indicators are a clear sign that eventually he will want to know what you’re doing when he’s not around, and when you’re doing it. Then, it will be calling you non-stop throughout the day while he’s at work asking where you are and where you’ve been. Then, the stalking will ensue, and the checking of your cell phone, and emails. No ma’am. Get all this checked and in order before you marry him. If not, you’ll be the next victim from, “The Burning Bed.”

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