Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I read your blog, “I slept with him, now he is ignoring me.”
It was very interesting and you definitely know how to give good advice. I have been seeing somebody for 9 months now. We were together for 8 months when we had sex. I was a virgin, and believed in sex after marriage until he came in and changed it.
He was very pushy for sex throughout our relationship, and I decided to hold it back. So, we had a break-up on the 18th of March because I wouldn’t be a real girlfriend by sleeping with him, I guess, and that he was sexually frustrated. So, I told him, “it’s okay if you don’t want to be with me. I’ll let you go and I’ll move on.” I didn’t want to beg him like always to, “come back and I love him, etc.”
people talk about you like a dog and how you didn’t have enough seating and you ran out of food, etc.
Like HelloBeautiful On Facebook To Keep Up With Your Fave Black Celebs!
He was fed up with being needy. He texts me later on saying, “meet me tomorrow, we’ll talk this through.” And, I say “No, I have college tomorrow.” And, he says “last chance.” So, I got a little worried and I went to see him. So, we get to his house and he takes me into his bedroom. He starts taking my clothes off and he says, “I just want to lay down with you naked,” and I thought, “Oh, okay, at least he doesn’t want to screw me.” Then, it kind of went a bit sexual. He puts on a condom and does the deed. And, I lay there hoping that he’ll change from that day onwards, and that he’ll see that I love him.
Guess not. Two weeks later I realize I’m pregnant. My blood test confirms this. I let him know of this – at first he seemed okay – we were discussing what we were going to do. And, then a couple of weeks later he’s picking fights with me over stupid things, being cold, and being distant. I’m all alone and don’t know what to do. There are days where he disappears and doesn’t talk to me and I’m left feeling miserable and used. Any advice would be great. – Thought Sex Would Make Him Happy
Dear Ms. Thought Sex Would Make Him Happy,
Well, be prepared to care for this child alone. Be prepared to have an absentee father in your life. And, be prepared to go to court and get sole custody, and child support.
The hell is wrong with your dumb ass for going back on your morals and values!?!? If you didn’t want to have sex before marriage, then why change your mind? Is it because you thought he would change, and be the boyfriend you wanted him to be? Honey, sex doesn’t make a man commit to you. It only makes a man think he got something that no one else has. And, in your case, nearly every man wants a virgin. They want to be the first, because you always remember your first, but, your slow ass made a foolish mistake and now you’re pregnant. Yup, the saying is true – it only takes one time.
He clearly wasn’t expecting for you to become pregnant, and thus he’s thinking to himself, “What the hell did I do? I just “F’d” up my life.” And, not only is he not thinking about you, he’s not even concerned about his unborn child. He isn’t thinking of how this affects you. He’s not thinking of the next 18 years and how he has to take care of this child financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Yeah, this is a big deal and big responsibility, and clearly neither of you thought of the consequences.
Well, wake your asses up, and start coming up with a plan. You need to sit down with him and come up with visitation, support, and it’s obvious you two are not going to be a couple, if you already haven’t broken up, but you’ve got to consider how the child is going to be raised. Your life has officially changed, and now you two knuckleheads are going to be in each other’s live, FOREVER!!!
Please, please, please I do hope that you learned a lesson from this – do not ever jeopardize, or renege on your morals and values for ANYONE! Stay committed to yourself, and your commitment to your well-being. Regardless of how someone makes you feel, or tries to manipulate you into something you’re not comfortable doing, DO NOT GIVE IN. STICK TO YOUR GUNS!
I hope that you are receiving pre-natal care, and taking care of your health. I also hope that you have a strong support system, i.e. family, friends, and relatives who will be there during the pregnancy, and after. Because your man is not interested in being a father, a dad, or boyfriend. He’s made it abundantly clear that he is not vested in you and the child’s life.
And, I strongly encourage you to go to court and get child support payments set up. Because as soon as the child is born your boyfriend is really going to show you his ass to kiss. He’s already bending over and telling you to look at it by disappearing and not talking to you, and picking fights with you over little things. Honey, he is looking for a way out. Don’t budge, and don’t let him make you feel guilty or bad. You’re pregnant. You’re not supposed to be stressed or worried. Don’t put the energy off on that child. Now, get yourself a backbone, and self-esteem and get ready to take his ass to court. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!