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Dear Gay Best Friend,
Me and my soon-to-be ex husband were together for about 7 years, and married for 4 years before we separated. We ended up separating because he told me that he felt as though he was bi-sexual and wanted to try to be with a man! I was devastated! He said he never had sex with a man, but wanted to try it.
So, we separated and went our separate ways. Now, almost a year later our divorce is almost final. He admitted to me that since our separation he had sex with a man, but didn’t like it. And, was sorry about everything and wants to try and work on getting back together. I love this man dearly with all of my heart and I want to be with him, but it’s hard for me to overlook the fact that he had sex with a man. He even said we can go to counseling. Up until this incident everything was perfect. Am I being unreasonable for wanting things to be done and not trying to fix what has been shattered? – Hurt and Confused
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Dear Ms. Hurt and Confused,
WOW! What a story! I’m truly sorry for you, and I know it must have been devastating to have your man tell you that he felt he was bi-sexual and wanted to leave you to go and be with men.
So, now he is back because he had a sexual encounter with a man and didn’t like it. Hmmm, well, what happens when he gets the urge or feeling to want to try it again because the one time experience wasn’t what he expected? If he had the thought and desire to be with a man before he actually did it, then I’m certain he’s been having this thought of being with a man for a long while now. He can’t fight who he is, and he can’t deny who he is. Just because he didn’t like it the first time doesn’t mean he won’t go out and try it again.
I feel he is in denial about who he is, and can’t accept that part of himself. It’s perfectly normal because culturally in our society homosexuality is frowned up. People are shunned and disowned by family members, friends, and loved ones. No one wants to be an outcast and ridiculed. And, I’m certain that is what he is feeling. He’s afraid of being abandoned and losing all his loved ones because of the judgments, and negative opinions people have with the issue of homosexuality.